Mentoring: The Fine Art of Listening
This article first appeared in the Spring/Summer 2006 edition of In Touch Magazine. For reprint permission contact the Director of Public Relations at 1-800-251-6227.
By Ron Toews
A search to find the word “mentor” in the Bible is over before it starts. The word isn’t there. But the concept is. Everywhere. Here are a few examples: Jethro and Moses, Moses and Joshua, Moses and Caleb, Samuel and Saul, Samuel and David, Jonathan and David, Elijah and Elisha, Jehoiada and Joash, Barnabas and Saul, Barnabas and John Mark, Priscilla, Aquila and Apollos, Paul and Timothy, Paul and Titus. All these examples have a few things in common:
· intentionality
· relationship, often initiated by the older of the two
· a genuine interest in the well-being of the younger
· encouragement
· spiritual guidance, often initiated by the older of the two
· accountability, perhaps even correction
This list outlines the kind of impact you as a mentor can have on another person. Sometimes called mentorees or protégés, younger Christian women and men right around you are looking for a relationship with someone who will provide wisdom, insight, encouragement, and accountability.
What would it take for you to be a mentor? Keith Anderson & Randy Reese, in Spiritual Mentoring: A Guide For Seeking And Giving Direction (InterVarsity, 1999), suggest that becoming a mentor requires three capacities:
Holy Listening: Giving attention, developing companionship, enjoying friendship, traveling the road together with the protégé while being aware of the Holy Spirit in all places.
Holy Seeing: Observing the other with love, compassion, genuine care, and with concern for the development of the protégé.
Wholly Listening: Being fully and authentically present to the mentoree and the Holy Spirit, displaying a humility and vulnerability that appropriately self-discloses to the protégé.
The Power of a Question
I know a little boy who is five years old. When he sees me working in my garage, he comes straight over. He is curious, as any five-year-old should be, and asks questions incessantly. His favorite is “why?” When I answer his question, his next question will be, “why?” And when I tell him again, his next question will be . . . you guessed it—"Why?" My little friend and I can have long conversations; he asks why, and I tell him why.
“Why?” really is a good question. It invites new learning, exploration, and self-reflection. It gets beyond facts and explores feelings. It assumes a position of ignorance, that the one asking really is in need of a thoughtful response. “Why?” is open-ended, which means that the one asking the question is very much open to any and all responses that it might generate.
Of course, there are other questions that one learns to ask beyond “why?” How, when, where, what, and who are all acceptable ways to invite deeper reflection. And it is with that in mind we have developed questions for mentoring at www.mentorwise.ca. Good questions are like keys that open locks, paving the way for new insights and discoveries, in both the one asking and answering the question.
When Jesus was the one asking the question, the answer was going to be worth searching for. Here are but a few questions he asks in Matthew’s gospel: If the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? If you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Why are you so afraid? Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? To what can I compare this generation? Why did you doubt? Who do you say I am? In each case, the question was an invitation to deep and careful reflection, to a new level of knowing and understanding. Very often a good question led to the discovery of a new and rich insight.
So, mentor, please ask your protégé why, and how, when, where, what, and who! And when you run out of good questions of your own, it is our hope that one or more of the hundreds of questions built into mentorwise.ca will allow you to keep plying your protégé with meaningful questions in search of new discoveries and insights.